I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
