everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
