People with herpes should wear stickers.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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