i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
