We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
