Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
