Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
