so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
