Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
