i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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