There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
