are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
