Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
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