I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
