I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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