I want to stick my p in your. b.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
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I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
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I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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