I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
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She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
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Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize