Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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