So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Randomize
