I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
