If that was your dad, he is hot
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
