my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
