my room smells like sperm. sweet.
im six kinds of drunk right now
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
