I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
