we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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