Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just gift wrapped bread.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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