You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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