M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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