So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
