would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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