At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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