Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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