I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
