I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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