4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
