Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
