I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
