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Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
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