Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
did you just send me my own nude
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.