Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?