We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom