Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.