That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.