Texts From Last Night

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  (407): View more from Florida

  He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.

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  (407): He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven. http://tfl.nu/duyw
  Replies (10) Good night (852) Bad night (4085)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.

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  (281): Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high. http://tfl.nu/02yt
  Replies (19) Good night (3656) Bad night (871)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!

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  (402): The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE! http://tfl.nu/1ymk
  Replies (63) Good night (1146) Bad night (7910)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car

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  (330): what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car http://tfl.nu/8812
  Replies (18) Good night (1489) Bad night (3024)
• Favorite

  (438): View more from Quebec

  Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it

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  (438): Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it http://tfl.nu/s0ms
  Replies (10) Good night (720) Bad night (3411)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.

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  (210): you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug. http://tfl.nu/nztu
  Replies (8) Good night (2584) Bad night (576)
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face

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  (320): I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face http://tfl.nu/yj9t
  Replies (7) Good night (2731) Bad night (745)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.

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  (631): I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning. http://tfl.nu/7540
  Replies (4) Good night (1066) Bad night (408)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob

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  (781): My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob http://tfl.nu/45ds
  Replies (5) Good night (992) Bad night (272)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this

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  (706): Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this http://tfl.nu/g9na
  Replies (5) Good night (987) Bad night (515)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..

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  (770): I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair.. http://tfl.nu/10ie
  Replies (6) Good night (622) Bad night (361)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.

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  (703): I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT. http://tfl.nu/cx57
  Replies (1) Good night (321) Bad night (433)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird

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  (778): And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird http://tfl.nu/xqlb
  Replies (2) Good night (291) Bad night (477)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus

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  (267): My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus http://tfl.nu/z4ro
  Replies (1) Good night (884) Bad night (244)
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.

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  (705): So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that. http://tfl.nu/fs4o
  Replies (0) Good night (263) Bad night (480)

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