I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
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stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
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What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.