Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.