Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
either way he was missing a nipple.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
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This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
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I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.