I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
That accounts for only three of the penises
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
