Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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