So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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