I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
