I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
