i don't like sucking hair
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
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He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
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I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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