I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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