Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
