You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The air was thick with penises
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
The ass gains better be worth it
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
