I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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