broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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