Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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