i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
