i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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