She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
