WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
