when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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