Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
