you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
