Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
