Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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