how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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