lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
