What did I eat last night that was bloody?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
