btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
