tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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