walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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