Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
